Sitting here at work typing…just starting my Monday routine,
and as habit has it, I stop and take a glimpse at the time.
There on the corner of this mac, next to the time,
I see the date April 4, 2016 written in black, just staring back.
I never imagined numbers could stir up such raw emotions,
and bring back such sharp memories of pain.
It’s been a year, and yet the vivid memory remains…
so vivid in fact, that I could close my eyes any second of my life
and just press rewind.
I was instantly taken back to the evening of April 4, 2015
Those precious moments when I still held you inside of me.
I had been sick all month long but decided that day…
enough was enough & it was time to go back out that day.
So I went with your dad to grab a quick meal,
and within minutes our delicious lunch became a painful ordeal.
I can recall exactly what I wore, and the scent in the breeze,
At first I was elated to be out of bed, but then a sharp pain started where you currently lived.
I rushed to the public bathroom, and quickly realized something was wrong.
At the time I didn’t even have enough for a phone…
so I was panicking… trying to tell your daddy what was going on inside that stall.
I sat there alone and I cried, as I watched the remnants of a piece of my life slide away…
I knew you were gone baby, but I wanted you to stay.
I saw flashes of what would no longer be …
on top of all the physical and emotional pain stirring inside of me…
So much to deal with physically and all the thoughts and emotions racing inside my head!!
Looking back, I realize time has healed some of the physical and emotional wounds,
My experiences have helped to shape me into the person I am today.
I learned the hard way, that some mothers have nine months to find a name.
While some carry the title of mother for only a couple of days.
But, don’t worry my dear…just take care of us, your parents, from above.
Thanks to God, your mother has learned to be tough,
maybe even a little cold hearted and rough.
And just in case you don’t know your name baby,
turn around my love and take a look at your wings…
you are an Angel and heaven is where Angels are meant to be.
I accept that you won’t ever come to me, regardless of how long I Iive,
but I assure you my dear, one thing is clear.
One day we will all surely meet, I wait for that day with great anticipation,
Until then, you will always be my baby with wings.